"I Want My Old Countertops Back"

[Joe Corlett]

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These are the after and before photographs respectively of an engineered stone job from which Dani Homrich was hired to remove scratches. I accompanied as photographer, driver and customer schmoozer. Believe me, these people needed schmoozing after three installations.

Yep, you read that right, three installations. The first tops came out an inch too short, the second had the seam running the width of the peninsula and the third set came with two perfect scratches at the inside radius. Despite having two different caulks, clear and translucent white, the undermount sink still has gaps between the flange and the bottom of the deck:

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I should have checked for sink clips, but I didn’t. There is no silicone or anything between the deck and the splash. The gouge in the drywall from installing a too-long top remains unrepaired. Of course we arrive an hour and a half late, they’ve got a graduation party to prepare for, so we’re starting off right.

continued...

[Joe Corlett]

We are late because we stopped in Jackson, Michigan to look at a Zodiaq job that has a 36” seam that the homeowner is unhappy with:
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Here is a close-up:
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Dani expressed concern that the lack of “alligatoring” on the Zodiaq finish indicates the possible application of a sealer, which would make matching the finish impossible without removing the sealer. The tile contractor in charge of the top said he will ascertain whether or not a sealer was applied. The contractor said his installer used Gorilla Grips and although the seam was cut cleanly and pulled very tightly, there was some paper-thickness lippage. The installer missed the color match by mixing his own polyester, he had a gray thing going on. I suggested another set of Gorilla Grips for such long seams and Dani suggested Integra color-matched adhesive to avoid this in the future.

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O.K., I lied, this is the real reason we were late. We stopped at a rest area and when Dan-o saw the backsplashes, he had to recaulk them. It only took him an hour and a half, but he did a hell of a nice job, don’t you think? I wish I could caulk as well as he can.

Dani sold an estone restoration kit to the estone manufacturer’s representative and he gave this repair a seven-hour try. In all fairness this guy is not a fabricator, but it shows the foolproofishness (I love making up my own words) of Dani’s system. If a guy who doesn’t operate tools for a living can’t make the situation any worse, how is your second-tier installer going to screw things up? It is probably impossible to butterdish estone with a random orbital sander, it’s the grinders that the stoner’s use that can make a job blow up in your face.

His seven hours weren’t wasted, he almost removed one of the scratches. The second was much more difficult to see, but when you lit it perpendicularly, it screamed out loud. Dani started out with a ten micron diamond pad but had to go to the twenty then back to the ten to get them out. On a 9” scratch, half was gone in about fifteen minutes and a half hour later, he begins polishing:

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Note the black magic marker highlighting the scratched area.

Dani and I agreed that this scratch was not from the factory, it was fabricator error. Why? The scratches followed the inside radius perfectly and they were very consistent in depth and width. It seems likely they were created by a contaminated or improperly programmed tool, not improper packaging or handling. If they came from the factory, you have to believe that the fabricator never saw them from unloading all the way through fabrication and installation? Fat chance. This guy’s trying to get a manufacturer to pay for his mistake but I’m betting all he gets is a backcharge.

After about two and a half hours polishing, lots of schmoosing and several inspections by the homeowner and his wife, he opens the refrigerator and sets three beers on the countertop. Now you won’t find this on Dani’s video or in any fabrication manual, but when the homeowner breaks out the beer, SET DOWN YOUR TOOLS, YOU ARE FINISHED. This isn’t about beer, it’s about acceptance. It’s a guy’s way of saying he appreciates your efforts and that he likes the job the way it is. Dani isn’t much of a drinker, but it’s a good thing he was thirsty from all that polishing because I was gonna pour that beer down his throat if he didn’t drink it voluntarily.

I’m repeating myself, but the repair business is much more about people than techniques. You could probably train a monkey to polish a top, but you’d have to have him learn to speak and comprehend to be a successful repairman. You have to be able to schmooze and you have to be able to diagnose who screwed the job up. If a guy scratches his top while he’s drunk with a broken beer bottle, his expectations for a repair are much lower than if his top was installed pre-scratched. You have to be able to guide the frustration of the homeowner toward a positive resolution. If I had to recruit a repairman from a shop crew, I’d teach my best communicator to polish rather than teach my best polisher to communicate.

We left Dani’s shop at 8:30a.m. and got to Jackson, Michigan around 11:00a.m.. We arrived in Grand Rapids for the repair at 1:30p.m. and left around 5. At 6:00 we were in Muskegon, Michigan, polishing a factory dull spot out of an estone top and left at 6:30. Dani bought dinner and another tank of gas, my Toyota only holds ten gallons or so, and he still saved money over driving his pick-up. I dropped him off at the shop and I was home before midnight.

Joe

P.S.:
The title of this post is a quote from Mrs. Homeowner before we were finished.